At 33, I am pleased and shocked at the real insights that just keep coming. The hardest lessons I have had to learn, the ones I "understood" in my 20's, now seem to becoming crystal clear. The lessons are enlightening and the learnings I'm deriving about who I am, the things I have done in the past, my family - are really helping me move forward and gain insight into the reasons I condemn myself to the same mistakes, or the reasons I keep winning in certain areas.
My children are balloons of excitement and light that blow up in my heart and make me cringe for the fullness of it. How I fear the balloon bursting on that child.... whether it is just their childhood living out, or something more serious I hesitate to even imagine.
My dear babies who "seem like they are getting so big" every year. And then I look back to last years pictures and how little they look, even though I know that I thought that last year too... they seemed big then, next to the baby... who now seems big... :)
Between the instances of harsh reprimands, there is just the admiration of them and their sweetness, and their tiny bodies. Their great love and energy and quick to forgiveness....
Some of the sweet revelations are that I made the right choices and right decisions in my life with regard to my life partner. And knowing that the old confusions were just the dreamer in me, wishing to have the addictive endorphin rush that comes with fake and faulty love.....
33 has been lovely.....
