Been Thinking

Now that I am past the actual "useful stage" of transitioning to stay at home mom, and have worked through my three children's baby-hood, I have come to the conclusion I really hate what I do.
I have worn the shackles of "this is really a great job" with accouterments like Fantastic Health Insurance, Good Pay, "Great" environment, now for 12 ish years. I keep thinking something will come on the horizon that is "just for me". I will be brandished with glory into a magical position I am tagged for and I will become cherished for my views and opinions and out of the box style they are always claiming to need.
Of course now that I am ready to quit and really examine the fulfilled life of SAHM with DIY projects and PTO and "actually having" an organized house...... I feel that it would be really wrong. I love babies, I love love love babies. I do not want anymore. So did I work so hard for so long taking them to daycare every day, just to get them to school age and say - uh, never mind?

So now I am considering the other options.
What makes me feel passionate?
The answers are obvious - what do I love to post about, read about, think about, advise about? Health, Nature, Politics, Advise. Do I want to be a politician? No. Advocate? Maybe. Now I'm thinking, maybe actually really I could do a PA program. Physicians Assistant.... a few years of school and maybe by 40 I have a whole new career.

Although, it would also be great to just SAH.

But - the world is scary now as ever and it seems lavish, wastefully awful and predictably terrible to QUIT something that so many people would clamor for. I have a job that people dream of (some people!) and it makes me wonder what I'm thinking to say I would just rather not have it. What kind of thought is that?

The saddest part to mention is my "baby" is 3. I'm contractually obligated to work 2 more years, so of course, ironically, she will be in Kindergarten the year I could effectively SAHM.

It is Windy

Guess what mom?! My butt can do ANYTHING! Anything! It can get all the poops out of my body, all that stuff. I can sit on it, it sits on scooters and chairs and runs.... and yeah, all these poops too! It really can do anything mom! My butt.....
----Natalie age 3

Mom, come look at this awful scratch. I was walking the dog, mom the neighbor dog attacked me it jumped up and got me, well - I don't think she (the dog) knows she did it, she was just playing probably. See this? Yeah, right on my chest - here, and it's awful. What does Surface Scratch mean? No, No this is really painful mom. And you know, I'm pretty sure its going to ruin my babies Milk one day. I will need this part of my body to feed my baby!
----Hannah age 8